I'll Never Leave

Maybe I'm going to anywhere in this entire world,

but for sure I'll never leave you..

--Thats what i want to hear from you han

Photographed by 'Nikon D 300s' LydiaHartanto
thxs




Now im back to blog again,for real,
I NEVER LEAVE HERE:P
I did the photoshoot with my bestie lydia, a serious decoden artist and photographer, the area was on the West Surabaya, beloved town,the weather is so damn hot in the day and night, lately.


(top Trf zara; jeans Paris Hilton;Hermes belt; Tods handbag; silk scarf unbranded; dkny watches; charlesnkeith sandals)

Miss you in your white shirt

Please let me take this thoughts out of my mind, pardon me for being so mellow and so lame,
these has been stuck in that corner ,
and i couldn't stand to keep these all this long, because actually i feel so devastated inside,
I was trying to sketch, trying to sing, trying to get busy on parents works, learning new things which i love,trying to hang out a lot
but its still haven't yet expressed all these things done




Miss you in your white shirt

They come and go but i don't see them,
I even couldn't open my eyes,
My world still keep spinning in your galaxy,
and they're just like aliens to me, an ET,
Come and go, as fast as nobody can even notice about them,
And just swept away like the rumors

I'm here in your galaxy,
That is you, and always you,
The center to all of these rotation..

And you're there starring at me in your white Callaway shirt,
(uhm i've just realized how often u wore the white shirts,
white loose shirt,white callaway shirt, white washed shirt, white button down shirt..),
With the blue Nike cap covered on your missable baldy head,
That Rock and Republic jeans, and i still remember the cutting,
And with that shoes which made me say on the first date 'what the hack are u wearing..'
But as time went by, you made say 'Oohh you look so 'machismo' with that shoes',
The complete LA look, few percents like a rapper,
few percents of clubber, few percents of gangsta with your beard..
I always love LA's guys looks,
too bad in the same time LA has taken my baby away,



and now I'm totally missing you in your white shirt


Such A Fool I am, I know :(
but I feel much better right now, for being honest with you guys...

Dear Lovey Dovey

Sorry that I lied to you that i could understand you
Indeed, I'm not.
Sorry that I lied to you, pretended easily letting you go away
Indeed, I'm not.
Sorry that after all it looks like life's goes on like it used to be
Indeed, it's not.

I'm here unwell and unstable


In this Christmas, let me confess
that ....


All I want for Christmas is
you



me 4 handy

Please dont wake me up

This hole in my chest haven't healed, it just getting deeper,
every time i went there,
it just like something pull me away from the reality.
And its just feel So sweet and peaceful...
I don't wanna wake up..
because its getting deeper every time i wake up.


Pull me harder and harder,please..
enjoying myself on the whole dream pool about you

I'm drowning, and love myself drown there.

This hole is never healed, and please don't
don't wake me up.


____
Source: mariehochhaus



me 4 handy

Its not enough

And I'm here wondering



Why you always said that
If its Just Love, Is not Enough babe..

and never be enough...

So,What can make you enough babe?

Only You, is more than enough for me
wish that I am more than enough for you
because I am, more than love you

p.s.
I'm here, and Missing you



me for Handy

Ma poem

just popping out from my thoughts ***As seen on my twitter,

Lalaland,

where's my precious,

I'm unconscious but also curious ,

yeah you are promiscuous, vicious...

but oh so delicious..

I am

Now I know where I stand right now.
No matter what they said about how jerk you are,
no matter how mean things that you did to me,
i couldn't hate you, I've been trying.But i couldn't.
I kept asking to myself and thinking what i actually want from you
even more it's all just made me more realize that i do truly in love with you.
For better for worse,
if this gonna be my faith,
for you, i will

but for right now, i gotta do what i gotta do.
I'm single,
I'm not yours, and you are not mine.


Me 4 Handy

No one could ever...

Saat ku pejamkan kedua mataku
Dan kubayangkan
Di sampingmu
Kurasakan slalu
Hangatnya pelukmu Itu

Dan ku genggam lembut
kedua tanganmu
Seakan takut kehilanganmu
Kuingin selalu hatimu untukku


Tak ada yang bisa menggantikan dirimu
Tak ada yang bisa membuat diriku
Jauh darimu...


-Andra and the backbone


me 4 Handy

Tonight I wanna cry
i Miss you, but i can do nothing here...

Never I felt like this before, I miss you like a death


It just too hard replacing someone like you


me 4 handy

LA took my baby away

I promised to myself

not to fall in love with anybody
no more boys,
what happened to me for past a year, completely like a rollercoster, an insane one..
and this pain is still just too real for me,

i still into him, but i cannot be with him, because he's not anymore, but even if he's now beside me, i just cannot accept him, but i still into him, but he'd treated me bad, but i still into him, and anything doesn't make any sense to let him right beside me. but i still got through any sleepless night because of him.
WHAT A CRAP!!!

Thats gonna be endless questions which will never be answered, cut up

i'd like to focus myself on my own future, my 'a must graduation' ,my bestfriends and friends, getting a good job, raise the money, look out my parents, get away to my dream places, and take as much experiences as i could...

WHat a Beautiful!!

note, i don't wanna put one or even some of that things above, together with someone, never again.

Im tired of completely lost myself again.

peace with myself

I'm

trying

to make peace

with myself,

let it go,

let it go

No more boys,


Me for Handy

I can't figure it out, something about ...

It’s almost a year since the first time we met , I know time going so fast and roughly. But still I can’t figure out the answer of ‘that Why ?’

me for handy
miss you right here, right now

Nothing left here

Feels like i have nothing and no one,
so poor inside outside..
I see lot of people come and go through this time,
but still, no one could ever replacing the way you were here
and feels like i wont let anyone replace you
you can see in my eyes, there's no flame, just such a shame.
missing you :(


Sebab dimana hatimu berada, disitulah hartamu berada
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I don't love you no more (maybe)

i don't love you no more ( maybe)
just still thinking bout your mom, the Queen bee
im just feel curious bout her, how's she's gonna be ?
she's been in my prays for all this time, just as i pray for my mommy
(im sure that u'll gonna facing this surprisingly)
even seems like i didn't care, but deep down, there' always be
i care bout her, about her, i feel so hommy
i just dont want to show it clearly.

i don't love you no more ( maybe)
just the situation that you're facing to
makes me harder to forget you,
blurring how i feel for you exactly,
i guess your mommy taking a part of it precisely


i don't love you no more ( maybe)
but if you wanna cry, my shoulder will be here, always be...


Me For Handy Suj

This is ....

this is bad or this is so bad


when i think of you, the world gets better
and when im not thinking about you, its stop..
and when i think bout you again, it back, the worlds get better...
OMG what did you do to me...
this is bad, this is bad, this is bad


Me For Handy Suj

The throuth Reveals

Quoted from Harper’s Bazaar Indonesia March 2009

Theres’ a quote from the article about Scarlett Johansson, she was the cover model of this edition. Quite surprising I usually didn’t read the whole up detail article on the Magazine, even that was in Indonesian Language,I just enjoy the Photos, and honestly hard for me to undesrstand for such a magz like Harper’s Bazaar Singapore, I did follow every month Bazaar Singapore, I’ve just enjoyed the brilliant photos actually, hahaha

But this time, I don’t know in my sleepless night, I was reading again my old Harper’s Bazaar March, got it from the last Fashion Festival, The only Harper’s Indonesian I have, haha all I got is Singapore’s version ( because it’s cheaper, S$ 5, hehehe, yeah we should fabulously smart money spender, right?!)

So continued, i was shock, when I was read the article bout the Scarlet Johansson, I was read it randomly actually, then I found out a paragraph, here’s:
Ingin tahu apakah wanita secantik dan sepopuler dia (Scarlett Johansson) juga pernah dikecewakan pria? She said : ” oh ya, saya punya beberapa kali pengalaman seperti itu. Ada pria yang ternyata tidak benar-benar serius pada saya, atau tidak bisa secara emosional terlibat hubungan dengan saya. Jujur saya merasa sedih dan kecewa ketika itu terjadi. Sulit untuk menerima kenyataan bahwa ketika kita mencintai seseorang, tapi ternyata orang tersebut belum siap untuk memasuki hubungan.

We had something in common, the last phrase, was the same problem like mine, finally clear my head up, after few months fogging. Hmm it does make me stronger, when i read that, I feel like.. ohh The beautiful, famous, rich, Scarlett also had that problem too, and She’s hard to accept that fact too. So, after few months I’ve been blaming myself how stupid I am, How lame I was, very slow accepting all the unfair situation. Read that phrase again and again, made me forgive myself about facing the problem, that’s very common problem that faced to every woman in this world, by forgiving myself, I feel that easier for me to get out of this phase, it’s feel now I'm running faster to leave that out behind..

Me for Handy Suj

it's not you

It wasn't you

i was sure that i want you,
everyday, i think about that, is that really what i want..
now i realize,
i still sure that i want you but
i just want the best of you,
the one who chases me overly,
the one who happily goes to church at least once a week, even he almost forget all the prayer
the one who always accompanies his mom for dinner everyday,
the one who beats the future aggresively,
the one who wants to spend the whole sunday at bookstore with me,

but now what i see wasn't the best of you,
i dont know whether, u've changed or i don't know your real card
whatever that is,
this isn't the best of you, and i just want the best of you.
I'd rather keep my love than loving someone whom i totally don't know anymore.


Me For Handy Suj

Caring And Loving

Caring or (and) Loving ?

Everytime I miss you, I write a poem for you, especially when I really really miss you, what I can do is just write everything that I feel on the poem. A temporary healing...
I admitted, a part of my life is trying to retain and cover all the things about you, and pushing it all behind... but as much as i could retain, Still, the feeling couldn't lie, I do still care about you, alot...


Me for Handy Suj
There's nothing wrong about caring someone, this isn't a sin,is it??
But,anything for you... I just want you to be happy and give the best for you..
there's no reason, no logical,
It's just Love...

This is the place, your home, my home

Its hard to admit that everyday i fall for you deeper,
There's no place i'd rather be,
There's no one i wanted to be,
There's only you,
The one till the end.

What am i supposed to do to make sure u're always here,
and never go anywhere else again,
If that day come, i want you promise me ,
you have to swear to our God..
really swear in the name of God,
you never go away from me even just a mile
I regret that i let you go that far,
I should have mad,when you told me you want to go that place,
but I aint do that time
I should have taken you passport and thrown it away at your hotel's closet,
but I aint do that time
I shouldn't have released your hug, so you'll never ,even a step, walk away from our home...
but i also aint do that time

this is our home, our love, yours and mine...
wherever you go,you know you'll always back here,han

and now i stare
looking everything which seem never fair

i just want you, just you...
not him...
whenever i thought it was you, but that wasn't you:(
i feel bad, since that wasn't fair for him,
but is this the whole up situation fair for me?


you make me learn something,
love is never know about the fairness




im just wishing u were here,han